They tell you not to POAS….But seriously……
3DP5DT I POAS and nada….
They tell you not to POAS….But seriously……
3DP5DT I POAS and nada….
Just a quick update:
So after a couple months of set backs we are finally a go for our FET! Feels like that took forever!
If there is one thing fertility treatments will teach you it is patience……..Patience and how to be a lunatic…….
We were hoping February would be our month…..Finally….We have been waiting since our cancelled cycle in December but alas it wasn’t meant to be this month……again
Dr. S (our RE) was dead set he wanted me to do a HSG Test (he wanted to make sure there was no fluid leaking from my tubes as this could have caused my December miscarriage) and since you can’t do this test in the same cycle as a FET our hands were tied…..and so we wait.
I am sorry to leave off my last post where I did……
Sooooo……After the positive HPT…….
I almost passed out…..WTF WTF WTF……..How did this happen??
Well I know HOW it happened, I just couldn’t believe that some how it did!
It was 7pm at night….too late to call the clinic…..I went downstairs and told Shane…..Best moment of my life…..The look of pure joy and love on his face was priceless…..he kept saying “are you sure?” “is this real?” We didn’t sleep much that night and I was up at 6am to drive to the clinic to get blood work done!
Later that day my Beta test came back at 948! It was a bit surreal…..I was still spotting but my Nurse said don’t worry about it unless it is a lot of bright red……I was told to come back in a few days for another Beta.
We were just through the roof, but still afraid to believe it……
My 2nd Beta came back at 400……We were told this wasn’t a viable pregnancy…..
Our joy was gone as fast as it came…..
And I thought the failed transfer felt bad….this was knock the wind out of you crushing…….2 days before Christmas. So now we had to wait for my HCG numbers to drop to zero before we could transfer again…..
I made a appointment with my RE and tried to stop crying……My numbers took a couple weeks to hit zero and I spotted for three weeks…..We are just waiting for AF to start this next cycle….hoping for some good news soon…..we could use it.
Our egg retrieval went great and at the end of the 5 days we had 6 Blasts heading to the freezer (Our clinic only does Frozen transfers).
On October 29 we started our Frozen Transfer Cycle. I have been doing acupuncture since the retrieval cycle and continued this….I had also felt well enough to get back to the gym and to running. We had a unusually warm November and I was chomping at the bit to get out there!
About 10 days into the cycle there were some concerns with my lining being a bit thin (never had this issue before, probably due to all the meds the past couple months) either way I was told NO more running. Fuck.
I was on a medicated cycle (to stop ovulation), and we were scheduled for transfer November 18! We were so excited….Shane was pretty pumped to be able to come in the room to watch the Transfer……
Transfer went well….We transferred one 4AA Blastocyst.
I was off work for the whole cycle, so I took it easy for the most part. I did host HK’s Baby Shower 4 days after the Transfer but that was pretty low key……
The days before the blood test (7DP5PT) I took a HPT……Negative
I held out hope that maybe, just maybe, it was wrong…..But I knew it wasn’t. I was home alone that day….it was a pretty emotional day….lots of tears…..I just didn’t have it in me to tell Shane yet……Let him have one more night of hope. The next morning the blood work confirmed the HPT……..Devastated.
We grieved but had only a couple days to make a decision…..we decided to transfer again right away……This time we opted for a natural cycle and the Doctor was fine with it since I have such a regular cycle. I kept up with the Acupuncture and also added Bioptron Light Therapy…..I also decided to work up until a day before transfer this time to keep me busy and give some normalcy to my life……..
I felt AMAZING! No medications and light workouts I felt more like myself….I knew this one was going to work…I felt it in my soul. I went for blood work and ultrasound on day 11 of my cycle (I was working on day 10 so they said no big deal to come on day 11) I went in and they confirmed lining was over 8 and triple striped and I had a mature follicle……Transfer was scheduled for December 14…..This was going to be the best Christmas! After leaving my day 11 appointment I made a few stops to pick up some Christmas stuff, and while in the store I received a call from the clinic….They were cancelling my transfer…..WTF….How? Why?
My blood work confirmed that I already ovulated and they don’t know when and I needed to be on some medications 5 days prior to the FET……My clinic knows I ovulate early on my own and never should have waited to screen me until day 11…..I broke down….completely…..Why is this happening?
Shane is my rock….even though I knew he was hurting he made sure I was ok……Such an amazing man.
Plus he ain’t bad to look at!
Life goes on and we started to plan for the next cycle….I needed to speak with my Doctor to see what happened and to make sure this doesn’t happen again……About a week or so after the cancelled FET I started spotting a bit…..weird because I never mid cycle spot……After 2 days of it I was a bit concerned so I took a HPT to rule that out…..I got home from work….POAS and jumped in the shower….expecting it to be negative when I got out of the shower…….I got out and glanced down and saw 2 solid pink lines…..
I know, I know…….
This is a post I wasn’t sure I was going to write…..but now I feel I am ready to…..
You may have noticed (but probably not) that my post’s have severely decreased in the past couple months…
For the past 2 years we have been doing fertility treatments…..we have not hid this from our friends and family…….and I am glad…..we have needed the emotional support and I couldn’t have don’t the last two years with out these important people…….But it is not common knowledge to everyone we know…..
I am not ashamed or hiding it I just don’t think it is everyone’s business….Mostly I just can’t handle all the “advice” people have when they hear you are having trouble conceiving…….
Everyone is different and just because it worked for your sisters, cousins, best friend…..doesn’t mean it will work for someone else……
So in the last two years…..
Shane has last 35 pounds, taken a handful of vitamins every single day and does every single crazy thing I have asked him to do……He lets me cry on his shoulder without making me think I am being dramatic…….He has been my rock….100%…..It has been hard on him as well but he has been so strong.
Before this process I was one of those “I hate needle people” but now I have been poked and prodded more then I can even explain…..Done every test under the sun……taken enough vitamins and supplements on a daily basis to choke a horse……Taken fertility drugs that make me hormonal, gain weight and in some cases bedridden…..Had more internal ultrasounds then I can count….Cried more then I have in the last 20 years combined……
At the end of all this we are told “unexplained infertility”
2 rounds of IUI with Puregon (A nightly needle Shane had to give me)
In October , right after the National Peace Officer Memorial Run, was finished we started our first round of IVF
And this folks is where
This process has been the single most difficult thing I have ever been through in my life. You question every decision you have made in your life….You question God, the Universe and Karma…….What did I do wrong, Am I a bad person, Why do I fucking deserve this????
Maybe I am not strong enough to keep going…….
But I have to try…….
During the egg extraction cycle I had to learn to give myself the needles…..there were 3 needles a day and they were timed so I couldn’t guarantee that Shane would always be home to do them……I did it….the first time I thought I was going to throw up…..but I didn’t!
I started Acupuncture during the cycle and thank god I did….it was the only thing that helped. I was in so much pain after 12 days of stimulation I looked 4 months pregnant. I guess that’s what happens when you ovaries go from the size of a walnut to the size of an orange. I wasn’t allowed to work or exercise. Because of the overstimulation of the ovaries there is a risk with heavy physical activity, I could end up with a twisted ovary and that is very dangerous……I had to pee every 20 minutes and just felt terrible.
On October 20th we headed to the clinic for surgery aiming for 10-15 mature follicles.
But on day 5 it was all worth it…every single tear, needle, pound and appointment…… and we were beyond happy with some good news for a change……We were told we had 6 Day 5 Blastocyst’s to freeze. All great quality!
Transfer was loosely scheduled for the third week of November and cycle monitoring began again on October 29…….