I know, I know…….
This is a post I wasn’t sure I was going to write…..but now I feel I am ready to…..
You may have noticed (but probably not) that my post’s have severely decreased in the past couple months…
For the past 2 years we have been doing fertility treatments…..we have not hid this from our friends and family…….and I am glad…..we have needed the emotional support and I couldn’t have don’t the last two years with out these important people…….But it is not common knowledge to everyone we know…..
I am not ashamed or hiding it I just don’t think it is everyone’s business….Mostly I just can’t handle all the “advice” people have when they hear you are having trouble conceiving…….
Everyone is different and just because it worked for your sisters, cousins, best friend…..doesn’t mean it will work for someone else……
So in the last two years…..
Shane has last 35 pounds, taken a handful of vitamins every single day and does every single crazy thing I have asked him to do……He lets me cry on his shoulder without making me think I am being dramatic…….He has been my rock….100%…..It has been hard on him as well but he has been so strong.
Before this process I was one of those “I hate needle people” but now I have been poked and prodded more then I can even explain…..Done every test under the sun……taken enough vitamins and supplements on a daily basis to choke a horse……Taken fertility drugs that make me hormonal, gain weight and in some cases bedridden…..Had more internal ultrasounds then I can count….Cried more then I have in the last 20 years combined……
At the end of all this we are told “unexplained infertility”
I did one round of IUI with Clomid
2 rounds of IUI with Puregon (A nightly needle Shane had to give me)
In October , right after the National Peace Officer Memorial Run, was finished we started our first round of IVF
And this folks is where
This process has been the single most difficult thing I have ever been through in my life. You question every decision you have made in your life….You question God, the Universe and Karma…….What did I do wrong, Am I a bad person, Why do I fucking deserve this????
Maybe I am not strong enough to keep going…….
But I have to try…….
During the egg extraction cycle I had to learn to give myself the needles…..there were 3 needles a day and they were timed so I couldn’t guarantee that Shane would always be home to do them……I did it….the first time I thought I was going to throw up…..but I didn’t!
I started Acupuncture during the cycle and thank god I did….it was the only thing that helped. I was in so much pain after 12 days of stimulation I looked 4 months pregnant. I guess that’s what happens when you ovaries go from the size of a walnut to the size of an orange. I wasn’t allowed to work or exercise. Because of the overstimulation of the ovaries there is a risk with heavy physical activity, I could end up with a twisted ovary and that is very dangerous……I had to pee every 20 minutes and just felt terrible.
On October 20th we headed to the clinic for surgery aiming for 10-15 mature follicles.
- 17 follicles were retrieved
- 13 were mature
- 11 fertilized with ICSI
We decided that a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) was the best so I could recover from the retrieval and make sure I did have OHSS……I was sore, swollen and 10 pounds heavier….
But on day 5 it was all worth it…every single tear, needle, pound and appointment…… and we were beyond happy with some good news for a change……We were told we had 6 Day 5 Blastocyst’s to freeze. All great quality!
Transfer was loosely scheduled for the third week of November and cycle monitoring began again on October 29…….